Ununderstandable
by mental.imaginative.crazy.epic
Summary: Edward and Bella are teens, best friends and falling in love. They have a huge fight and Bella's life is falling apart, Edward's choice might mean them never talking again, while she's going through stuff at home. The gang watch and fall in love too, can they help or is it all just a lost cause?
1. THE FIGHT

Un-understandable

Bella POV

I can't just sit here, I have to tell him, it's not fair for me to lie to him too, it'll only hurt him more when he eventually finds out about them, and when he learns I knew all along, he'll be furious and distraught, so if I don't say anything, it'll be my fault if he gets hurt, he'll find out a harder way than his best friend telling him. I don't know how I could tell him.

_Me: Hey Edward_

_Edward: Oh, Bella, hey, what's up?_

_Me: Nothing much, I got an A on the essay for history, I got a 88 on the math test, my parents are splitting up, oh and your girlfriend's cheating on you. What about you?_

_Edward: …_

Yeah, _that's_ the right way to go about this. He's not stupid, I shouldn't try and hide it, or bring up other things, I should just tell him, straight out, no bullshit, no lies, no emotions.

If it's that easy, then why can't I start the car?

Don't you hate that annoying little voice of reason at the back of your head, and the other one called a conscious, I prefer the one called impulse, but it usually gets me into trouble, and that's when reason comes in. Sometimes, those little voices hurt, because those little truthful reason and conscious voices are annoyingly honest. At least impulse is just ideas, not real thoughts, they don't process for long enough for the other two to speak. They usually gang up on me, see?

"Screw it." I mutter to myself and speed off in my mother's car to Edward's family beach house, where he is staying for 3 more days with his family. I was invited but I was too scared to ask my parents for anything, in fear of making them worse. I wasn't sure they were divorcing, but that word had been tossed about a lot lately in their screaming matches.

Hopefully my other best friend, Alice would talk some sense into me, whether that would be stopping me or encouraging me. I was pretty sure she knew about Tanya screwing the other guys around town or at least had suspected, she knew everything, but I doubt she would tell Edward, she would be too scared of him getting mad at her just because she was the messenger that it would ruin their relationship and she would be blamed, she would be too scared to see he had to know. The longer it went on, the more it would hurt him. I found out two nights ago there was a rumour going around about it, but as we live in a small, gossip hungry, exaggeration queen infested, tiny town of Forks, I decided to ignore it until there was proof, then suddenly, boom. I walk in on Tanya fucking one of Edwards good mates Tyler Crowley. They didn't even see me, well Tyler did, but only as I rushed out shocked, he caught a glimpse of someone shutting the door quietly, but judging from the continuation of moans and other disturbing noises, it didn't worry him.

The car rolled slowly to a halt on the gravel outside the beautiful house and I jumped out and ran to the porch, rapping on the door swiftly. It was 2.58am. I bit my lip, Esme would not be happy I was there at this kind of time, but I had no other choice. Hopefully someone could comfort him, usually I would do that best, but although we were best friends, Alice's fear of saying something would be accurate, he would most likely be mad with whoever told him.

However much I hated making him mad, it was too cruel to prolong a dead, unhealthy relationship, which I could help either fix or stop before he fell in love, but from what I could see, he already liked her a lot, too much for my liking she's always been a slutty gold digger, with a bad reputation for smoking and alcohol, trying to be cool, coming off as a stuck up bitch, and being incredibly stupid and looking it too, she gets through life and school by flashing her huge boobs, which I know for a fact were a boob job. Disgusting, but true. I loved Edward too much to keep this from him, it would make me feel as bad as she should, but won't. She'll only be pissed if they break up, she'll fake cry, but hopefully for once he won't do what she says. Only once have I seen him refuse to do what she says, but he still makes an effort, he never did it fully, but he didn't flat out say no either, which hurt a lt. She wanted him to stop seeing me, we were best friends, and I was in love with him, but no one knew, she was jealous of every female who talked to Edward for more than 2 minutes, with the exception of Esme and Alice. That was only because they are related though.

Jasper was staying with the Cullens this weekend, but Rosalie had also tagged along, she is another of my best friends, Jasper is her cousin, he's Edward's best friend and Alice's crush, what she didn't know was he was totally in love with her, and was waiting for a perfect moment to ask her out. Me and Jasper are also great friends, but me and Edward are the closest, because the others feel like brothers and sisters, Edward feels different than a brother, more than a best friend, and still although I was falling in love with him, I couldn't see him as a lover, because he would never love me back in any other way than sisterly. Emmett, Edward and Alice's adopted brother, had a thing for Rosalie, but she was completely oblivious to how he felt, but clearly there was chemistry, and I knew for a fact at the very least she had a small crush on him. She blushed whenever he looked at her. It was very cute, all my best friends had a real love story with a happy ending, they all loved each other back, but Edward asked me about girls, he asked me for help, and comforted me when I needed it, he was my best friend, but he was so much more, and there was so much he would never be because he only felt the best friend connection.

Esme opened the door in her dressing gown and saw me standing nervously on the door, and let me in with a warm smile and a swift hug.

"You're freezing Bella, come in, do you want some hot chocolate?" she said kindly.

"No thank you Esme, sorry to wake you, but I have to tell Edward something important. I couldn't wait any longer, he really has to know." I said apologetically. She looked surprised and hopeful.

"Don't worry dear, I was awake anyway, but can you please tell me what he has to know that was so urgent?" she smiled.

"Sorry Esme, but I really have to tell him first. I'm sure you will figure it out from his reaction though." I said the last bit quieter, paling.

"Are you okay Bella? Do you need to lie down?" she asked worried.

"I'm fine thanks Esme, I just really have to talk to Edward." I said anxiously she nodded and walked into the kitchen giving me another warm hug. I walked into Edwards room, knowing which was his by the quiet music echoing around. I knew he was thinking, he always thought deeply late at night with music on.

I knocked lightly and walked in. "Hey Edward." I said softly.

"Bella!" he said surprised, a smile spreading across his face like I made his day. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

I heard Esme's voice through the open door coming down the hallway. "I really think she's going to tell him, it's so obvious, I can't believe it's taken so long."

"Finally! Oh, would it be terrible to listen?" I heard Carlisle's voice reply.

Edward hadn't heard, so I shut the door and sat next to him on the bed.

"I came to tell you something. It's big, and I felt like you had to know, I found out earlier tonight, and I was going to wait until you got back, but I didn't want you to find out in the wrong way, and also I felt like I couldn't sleep until you knew, so here I am." I said quickly.

He looked confused. "Go ahead." He said and rubbed my shoulder encouragingly, I took comfort in his touch and his gentle smile which would soon disappear and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Tanya is cheating on you. I was picking Angela and Ben up from a party and I walked into a room upstairs when I couldn't find them, and Tanya was well… doing it with Tyler." I said nervously, but rapidly. His frown deepened and his froze. He then sighed and then stood up. I looked up at him from the bed.

"Bella, I know you dislike Tanya, I don't know why, but I trust her, and I can't believe you would make up something like this for such petty reasons." He said in a disappointed tone.

"Excuse me? I am not lying! I can't believe you would accuse me of that! I wouldn't do that to you! I know how much it would hurt you, I care about your feelings, unlike her who has been cheating on you, as well as using you!" I replied my voice raising.

"Isabella, I am giving you one chance to apologise for that, and we can forget you ever did this, or I am going to get mad." He said in a cold voice that clearly said he was pissed and didn't believe me.

"As much as I would love to indulge your childish fantasy of everyone having good in them, I won't apologize! I am telling you the truth here Edward, I didn't want you to hear it from someone you don't even like as a rumour, then not believe it until you walk in on her being her slutty self and getting hurt worse!" I yelled.

"Oh? I'm the childish one huh? At least I am not jealous! You're just jealous of Tanya because I love her and she has a large place in my life and that frightens you! You see her as competition you have to wipe out so you can be my friend still! Grow the hell up and stop being so damn petty! Tanya hasn't done anything wrong! We are in love and if you can't respect that, then get the fuck out my house!" he screamed right back. I was crying by this point and I got up and ran out the house, he followed me to the porch furious.

"Edward you are such a fucking idiot! I can't believe you choose me over her! We have been best friends since we were kids! I have never lied to you about anything! Why can't you see how stupid you're being! I love you too much to hurt you over something petty, why can't you understand that? Don't you remember when we were younger, you swore to me, you would never hurt me, you would always believe me, you would never let anyone get in the way of our relationship? Don't you remember how you vowed to keep me safe and how whatever happened, you would always love me. You promised me Edward! That you would never choose someone over me! That we would never drift apart!" I screamed. "So why did you let Tanya drive a wedge between us, why did you avoid me when she asked you to, why do you distance yourself from me more and more every day? Why have you changed to suit her? Why have you always done whatever she wanted, no matter the consequence, giving up anything she wanted you to, even me? Why the hell won't you believe me? I yelled, my voice breaking as I cried. "Why do you try and hurt me more every single second!"

"Because you're pathetic! You're jealous and clingy and petty, you're a liar with no life, you're a loser who has nothing better to do than be horrible to my girlfriend, instead of being happy for me! Instead of supporting me, you choose to do the opposite and try and break us up for your own selfish fucking reasons!" he bellowed. "I thought we had more than that, I thought you cared for me, but clearly not! Get out my life, I hate you!"

That's it, I broke. I wiped my tears and looked him in the eye defiantly, sticking out my chin. "You know what? Fine, follow her around, waste your time on her. Screw up your life, let her tear you to pieces, influence you into smoking, sex, alcohol. Fuck up everything you have, lose everyone who cares, but I'm not going to stick around and watch you do it for any longer." I said angrily and loudly, full of emotion. He turned around and stormed inside, I saw him push past everyone to get there, they were all looking at me with sympathy in their eyes. I closed the door of my car and started it up, driving off quickly. Alice started yelling after me, and began to run after the car, waving at me to stop, but I ignored her, going faster, letting them fade in the side mirror.


	2. THE SHOCK

Bella POV

4 days, 5 hours, 28 minutes since I sped off away room Edward. I was in my room, and lying on my bed, my arms behind my head, my knees up giving me support, I was staring at the ceiling and studiously ignoring my phone.

37 missed calls, 96 texts. My friends clearly had something to say, but I just didn't want to hear it. They would talk about Edward, and the other night and all I want to do is forget about that. So far, it's not working out real well. Make that 38 missed calls.

I sighed heavily. I heard a strange noise coming from my bedroom window and I ignored it. I heard a rustling then a thud. Then a sharp rap on the glass. I gasped and sprung up facing the window, grabbing the baseball bat under my bed as I did so, and dropped it in relief putting a hand over my heart breathing heavily, calming down, when I saw Rosalie and Alice grinning at me.

I reluctantly opened it then turned back to my bed and sat down crossing my legs. "Well?" I asked expectantly.

"Well what?" Alice asked confused.

"Was there a reason you climbed the tree and climbed through my window?" I asked raising an eyebrow. "Or was it for fun?" I added sarcastically.

"You were ignoring everyone. We wanted to make sure you're okay, but we knew you wouldn't answer the door." Rosalie said reasonably.

"I have my reasons." I muttered.

"Bella, we know, and we're sorry, but can't you just get over it? I know you lose him and have done for years, hell we knew before you did! But still you didn't tell him, you never dated, and you can't mope around like this. I know it's hard but you have to try, show Edward that you don't care, act normal, be Bella. Stop being this anti-social, rude person who has an annoying don't care attitude which bugs the hell out of everyone and makes us worried sick!" Rosalie said firmly.

"Here's some advice for you; get out or shut up. I don't need this from you, you could at least try to cheer me up, that's what best friends do, I have enough going on without you on my case as well. Have you ever thought maybe Edward wasn't my biggest problem? Maybe you should stop acting like you know everything, because you clearly don't!" I replied tears in my eyes. She bit her lip; she looked a little hurt, a little mad, but mostly concerned and guilty.

"I'm sorry Bella, I just want to help, I don't know how." She said in a small voice. I gave her a hug.

"It's okay, I just need to think a little. So much is going on, my parents are acting like different people, I don't know how much longer their marriage will last, I know I am one of the main things keeping it together, and yet I'm still ripping it apart. I don't know how much more of their crap I can take before I break, and I really don't know how much more of Edward's blindness I can handle, I'm already tearing to little pieces. There's no other way to explain it." I whispered. "If it comes to it, I might leave Forks with my mom when my parents split up. We all know it'll happen sooner or later, and we know Renee won't be the one to stick around. She hates Forks, and with Edward acting like this; I'm getting there."

They both gasped. Alice started crying, Rose had tears sparkling in her eyes. They both threw their arms around me. "Please don't leave, we won't let you!" Alice sobbed. Rosalie swung her bag up on her shoulder and climbed out the window slamming it shut. I bit my lip feeling guilty.

"She's gone to yell at someone, she's pissed at Edward not you. I'm going to go help, just try to ignore Edward at the moment, okay?" Alice sniffed, I nodded.

She climbed out the window too and I laid back on my bed again, listening to my iPod.

_Night _

Charlie came home and Renee came in few minutes earlier, looking frazzled and her hair in a disarray. Sex hair. Ew. Charlie on the other hand was looking casual, in his police uniform with no wrinkles, and grabbed a beer, looking the same as always, but one look at Renee and he was furious. Even _I _could smell the sex on her. She hassled about setting her hair straight but it was too late. Both me and Charlie stared at her with accusing eyes. I was in the kitchen when all this went down.

"I knew it! I knew you were sleeping around bitch!" Charlie roared.

"Well maybe if you made more time for me, I wouldn't have to!" she screamed back.

"I work hard because I enjoy it, and because my job supports this family! You don't even have a job! If I didn't get a promotion and spend a lot of time doing my important job, we would be far worse off! You ungrateful cow!" he bellowed going red.

"I hate this stupid fucking tiny town! If it was bigger it might have more officers, and you wouldn't need to be there so long!" she screeched.

"I hate you! You never appreciate anything! All I do is work for my girls and you never stop whining, and now you cheat on me! You don't understand anything about this place, you barely talk to anyone without sneering or whinging, everything anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other! You stupid little hoar, I can't take this anymore!" he yelled hoarsely.

They screamed some more and I started going to my room to wait it out. "That's it! I want a divorce!" I heard Renee scream. I froze on the stairs.

"Right back at you!" Charlie shouted.

"Me and Bella are going to Florida! Where the sun isn't a myth!" she screeched. Um excuse me?

"Bella will stay with me! She needs a stable parent and a roof over her head! She can't just up and leave everything, everyone now! She has to finish high school!" Charlie cried.

"She needs a life! She has to stop hanging around these low lifers, they have no aspirations and the ones that do are kidding themselves, they'll never get out of this stupid little town, and she has to before she's trapped too!" Renee screamed.

"Maybe she should decide that, seeing as those low lifers as you call them are her friends!" Charlie bellowed.

I ran up to my room and climbed out the window, already running. I ran into the Cullens property half an hour later sweating and in tears. It was late, 11.49, but I knew they would understand, it's where I always hid, and I never hesitated, I thought about going somewhere else, but I was too scared. I had nowhere else to go, no one else who would understand. Rosalie's uncle, Jasper's father would be unimpressed with me turning up and might start yelling too.

I ran through the porch, tearing through their unlocked door and into the kitchen and stood there for a moment teary eyed.

"Bella!" Esme said shocked and worried. She took one look at me before sweeping me up in a huge hug. I broke down in sobs. She held my shaking, sobbing form to her and soothed me like only a mother could.

"Who's that?" I heard Edward ask a few minutes later. I looked up at him slowly taking deep breaths. "Bella." He breathed. He grabbed me up in a tight hug and spun me around.

"What's wrong? Did someone hurt you?" he demanded as I cried in his arms.

"Charlie and Renee are getting a divorce, they're fighting over me, they want me to choose. I can't do that." I cried.

They both gasped. "Oh Bella, honey." Esme sighed.

"I won't let you leave." Edward said like a petulant child holding me tightly. I hugged him back and suddenly everything was forgotten and forgiven.

I sobbed on his shoulder, and I could feel him crying a little too. "I'm sorry Bells, I didn't mean any of it, please don't leave." He said his voice thick.

"I won't. I won't leave you, I'm leaving them. I can't stay with mom, but I don't know if I can even stay with dad." I said in a small voice. "I'm leaving their house, I'll rent a place, they can't make me choose, I want to stay in Forks, but I can't pick between my parents, it'll make it worse."

"You can't be on your own." He protested moving away slightly. "You can stay with us." He said.

"You know you're always welcome here Bella." Esme said warmly. I sniffed and looked at them lovingly through watery eyes.

"Thank you, both of you, but I'll have to wait and see what happens, I don't know anything for sure." I replied.

Esme gave me a hug and sat me back down on the kitchen chair. "I'll make you some cocoa." She said kindly.

Edward dried the last of my tears and he brushed one off with his finger that rolled down my cheek and we looked up and caught each other's eyes and we were millimetres apart. We both leaned in a little bit and our lips brushed, our eyes closing and suddenly I heard several gasps. He jumped up and I sat back shakily and we saw the Cullens and Hales staring at us shocked and a little happy and slightly impressed. Edward ran upstairs and I sipped my cocoa that Esme put on the table with my eyes closed after murmuring my thanks.

I looked down at the table and I still felt their stares, I also felt the tears on the way. I stood up slowly and walked upstairs and sat on the bathroom floor. I pulled myself together enough for a few moments, then peed, washed my hands, rinsed out my mouth and walked into Alice's room which had Rose's stuff on a blow up bed, so I got into Alice's double bed, knowing she wouldn't mind sharing. I wriggled uncomfortably in my clothes and got out of bed again. Alice walked in with Rosalie. I knew my eyes were red from crying. "Hey honey." Alice said softly. She and Rosalie sat down crossed legged on the bed.

"Are you okay?" Rosalie asked quietly. I nodded and gave them a fake smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine thanks. Can I borrow some pyjamas Alice?" I changed the subject. She nodded and threw me a tank top and boxer shorts, it was surprisingly casual for Alice to give me.

"Comfort clothes." She said with a shrug.

I stripped down and put on the boxers and tank. I climbed into Alice's giant bed and hid under the cover except for my head. I didn't want to answer any questions. I could sense Alice and Rosalie exchange glances. I shut my eyes tightly and tried to ignore them.

"Bella?" Alice said.

"Hmm?"

"Can you tell us what happened? Rosalie asked.

"I'm tired, I just want to sleep." I muttered trying not to let any emotion leak through.

"Okay sweetie, you can tell us tomorrow." Alice said stroking my hair.

"Uh huh." I murmured. I curled up smaller and managed to sleep after a few hours, I went into a very deep sleep, so I woke up at 3pm the next day.

I couldn't hear anyone moving around so I got up yawning and stretching and wondered along the halls of the Cullen house, unable to find anyone. I heard a shift in Edward's room so I went inside.

I saw Edward and Tanya making out heavily and I froze. "Oh, sorry, I'll just, get out your way." I said shocked and I ran out tears in my eyes. I grabbed my stuff from Alice's room and ran downstairs and out the door. I ran right into the Cullens at the door. Rosalie and Jasper were with them as usual. We were all close friends.

"Bella where are you going?" Alice said grabbing my shoulders.

"I'm sorry, I can't, I just can't, not anymore." I sobbed and I sprinted to my house, again leaving them all behind staring after me, and calling out worriedly.

One voice stood out and nearly brought me to the ground in pain. "Bella! Please, wait! Stop!" Edward begged.

But I didn't turn.


	3. THE DECISION

Bella POV

I had made my decision. I would stay strong. I would go with my mother to Florida. I just couldn't let Edward torture me anymore. We had been best friends since almost as long as I could remember; Tanya had changed him. We had always been closer than close; Tanya changed us.

He never would've dreamed of calling me pathetic; then Tanya came along and changed everything!

I never would've imagined he would've kissed me then make out with another girl, even if she was his girlfriend. It was so out of character, he always treated me as a lady, he was a gentleman, he was sweet, amazing, incredibly understanding and almost eternally patient. Then Tanya fucking changed him. It was only in the last month he had changed, the last two weeks were more noticeable.

He started talking to me less, avoiding me, then flat out ignoring me, blanking me, cutting me out. Then I try to talk to him and he's an ass, then that night he climbs through my window and apologised profusely.

I dialled my phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, are you still at the airport?" I asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"Too late to come with you?" I replied shakily.

"No, of course not sweetie, meet me at Starbucks in 15 minutes?" my mom suggested.

"Sure. I'll be there soon." I said, voice cracking.

I banged into the house. "Hey Bella." My dad said, then caught a glance at my face.

"What's wrong?" he demanded.

"Nothing. I'm going to live with mom." I said frostily, trying to drive back the tears.

"WHAT?" he roared. "Bella you can't just drop a bomb like that, at least give me a reason!" he said desperately.

"I'm sorry dad, but I just can't stay here anymore. I'll visit every holiday, but I have to get out of here. I'm so, _so_ sorry daddy." I said as I packed my most valued things into a backpack and a duffel bag. I shoved in some clothes, my laptop and my iPod. I threw my phone into the rucksack too.

"Can you send my truck when I get my new address?" I requested clearing my throat.

He nodded. I opened the door and went outside. "Please Bella. Just stay, we can hang out more if you want. Spend more time together, I'll do anything, buy you whatever, please just stay." He begged. I shook my head and kept going.

"Sorry dad, but I have to go." I said in a determined voice.

"_Please,_ Bells." He said in a heart-breaking voice. My step faltered, my resolve wavered and I closed my eyes, unable to let myself see his face.

I took a deep breath, shook my head slightly for me only, and continued to my car. I put my bags in. I started it. I opened my eyes and backed out of the driveway.

I drove off tears in my eyes, fighting to see through the early night. Forks got dark even earlier than most places, especially during late Autumn, nearly Winter.

I kept hearing his voice echoing in my head, telling me, begging me to stop, to wait, to return. But I couldn't. I ignored it then and I have to ignore it now.

He broke my heart. I found myself driving in the wrong direction. I wrote a swift letter in my messy scrawl and hopped out my car, it was smudged slightly with my tears, but otherwise legible. I put the letter on the Cullens porch and rang the bell, then ran away, and hid in the trees.

I saw Edward come outside in his dressing gown looking dishevelled and slightly distraught, he looked around in confusion before seeing the letter on the doorstep. He touched the paper gently, picking it up and reading over it swiftly, his intelligent green eyes went from wary to horrified and watery.

"Bella." He whispered with pain in his voice. I saw his body start to shake with what looked like sobs from the tears slipping from his eyes slowly and discreetly. He yelled Alice's name and she ran out in a panic. She grabbed the letter from him reading it in seconds and started sobbing into Edwards shoulder.

_Dear Cullens and Hales,_

_I wrote this not for attention, nor to manipulate anyone's emotions, not that I think you'd believe me capable of such things, but I thought I should mention it. I wrote this letter because I believe you deserve a goodbye, please pass on this letter to Jasper and Rosalie so they can also read it._

_I'm moving with my mother, I am not exactly sure where we are going, but I plan on staying there indefinitely. I will miss you all greatly, the pain this causes me is nearly unbearable, but I have to do this, I have no choice. Please forgive me for not saying goodbye in person, but I couldn't face it, I'm too much of a coward. I just can't do it anymore. Only one of you will know what I mean, but I can't take this anymore, it hurts to much, and I was afraid by seeing you, somehow I might be persuaded to stay, as I dearly want to, however I'm not masochistic enough to not attempt every method I can to stay away to heal myself._

_I will miss you all, I love you unconditionally, and you have been like family to me, I know you as well as I know myself, and I wish you all I lifetime of happiness, I doubt I will be in touch anytime soon, but I am leaving straight away, in fact when I left your house earlier today, I talked to my mother and booked a flight straight away, I will be gone or at the airport no doubt by the time you read this._

_I know it is far too much to ask for you to not hold my decision against me, but I can only hope one day you won't hate me for being so rude and cutting myself off without any warning. I'm deeply sorry for any problems or inconveniences I may have caused by my actions, and I realise the selfishness of my choices, but from my perspective, this is all I can do if I wish to survive, metaphorically._

_Please remember I love you all, so, _so_ much, but I really feel as if I have to leave now, I have no alternative, this is for someone else's good as well as my own, again, you know who you are. It is no one's fault but my own that I am forced to leave, my emotions are against me and I have no way of fighting them any longer, they have worn me down. I apologise for not being stronger. I would hate myself if I knew I had caused conflict in your amazing family, so please, even if it is just my wish that keeps you so close, don't fight or point fingers. _

_Have a long, happy life, and please, don't hesitate to ask Charlie for anything, he will need some support to get through this, and I fear my visits, however frequent, will not be enough, though I must request you do not try to contact or find me._

_I will miss you more than you can imagine, and although I will not be happy away from you, I have to say, I think it will help in some ways. I hope you can find some comfort in the fact that I will be happy and will stay as safe as I can, and I wish you the very best. _

_I swear I will never forget you, you mean so much to me, and you always will. I can only hope you feel the same way about me, but it is too selfish to really wish for it without guilt, as it will only cause you more pain if you truly felt the same way, I guess we all have that selfish side. I love you more than you can ever know, so I will have to say this, please try to forget me, because it's too much to leave and ask for your love still. I will always love you, and I will forever regret this decision, though it's necessary, it sucks. Don't ever believe I want to do this, I need to, I just want to clear up any confusion about that._

_Love Bella xxx_

_Ps. I have your contact details if I ever change my mind, please give them to Charlie if you move away, I may someday be free to return, after learning to control and shut down my emotions better, so although I don't expect you to wait around forever, I hope you will be open to my suggestion. If you aren't comfortable with that, please don't, you have every say in that matter. It's unfortunate that you cannot have an opportunity to sway me from this, but I feel as if this has to happen. I wish you all the luck in the world. _

That was the letter I had sent. I could only selfishly wish they would oblige.

I stifled a sob as I saw them all read it and their reactions. Edward looked as if there was something building up inside him. He re-read the letter once more and then lost it, he started screaming and crying like he did when we were younger, when he chased the car down the road, we were 9 years old and my mom was taking me on a holiday without dad after a massive fight, and we were scared I wouldn't come back.

Edward shoved past his family and started running down the road and screaming in desperation. For the first time since he had started dating Tanya, I saw the real Edward, my Edward, my best friend, my secret love, the one who loved me, even if only as a friend.

He was bellowing my name and tears pouring down his sweet, innocent face. That was nearly enough to make me fall to my knees and beg forgiveness, but instead I tiptoed to the next street, out of earshot and eyesight, got in my truck and drove away, glancing back at the Cullens only once. It was heart breaking, their expressions, their sobs, their emotions, enough to tear me up inside. I pulled into the airport parking lot with moments to spare and I let my head fall against the wheel of my car in despair and sobs. I let it all out, and after 30 seconds reigned it back in, put on a brave face, and got my bags and everything I needed.

I walked into the airport and got through security in a flash, only having to swiftly flash my passport at the next barrier after giving the details of my flight to the necessary people that mom texted me.

I gave my mom a hug when I arrived at Starbucks only 2 minutes late and she was excited and hyper about going to Florida, Jacksonville apparently. She had connections with a guy named Phil, according to her, they were just friends, cue her blush and tell-tale giggle, and had been friends for a few months. I knew this meant she had been cheating on dad with him, I already disliked him however, I just nodded solemnly.

"Bella what's up with you? You're acting weird." My mom said quickly.

"Nothing. I'm just excited I guess." I muttered.

"Oh! Yeah, me too!" she started then went on another long boring speech which I drowned out uninterestedly.

"Ticket please?" someone asked me with a monotone. I started getting it out as I had been in a trance and people behind me muttered and fidgeted in irritation. I glared behind me and they stilled and quieted slightly.

"BELLA! STOP!" I heard someone shriek. I stepped out of line and turned to see the person running up to me, away from security.

It was Edward. He was nearly here.

"Bella please, don't do this, you're my best friend. I love you, we all do, you can't leave us, you're my best friend, I can't just let you disappear! You mean too much to me as my only true friend who I can always count on! Please Bella, Bells, I have known you for years, I can't let you leave. _Please._" He begged as he reached me by his last word, falling to his knees, grabbing my hand desperately.

He had been crying, his eyes were red and bloodshot, his sleeves wet, his face desolate, abandoned, desperate, alone.

"You love me because I'm your best friend, you love me as a friend?" I asked, he nodded. "You love Tanya?" I checked.

"I think I do, yeah." He nodded hesitantly, but not very honestly. I saw Tanya's sister Irina in earshot and I knew he couldn't say no without getting into a fight with Tanya later, but he should be smart enough to know the truth about how I felt, brave enough to say the truth whatever happened. Ready to give her up for the person who really loved him.

"Here." I said to the attendant, handing over my passport and ticket. "Goodbye Edward, I'll never stop loving you." I whispered to him before pulling away from his grasp and boarded the plane, Edward's face looked so broken, so empty and deadened, agonised, that I couldn't bear to look anymore. It killed me that I was the one who put that look on his face. But I was already hurting too much from his unintentional hurtful words and actions that I couldn't be more emotionally damaged.

I leaned my head against the window seat of the plane and watched Edward walk to Esme with security escorting him. He murmured something to Esme and she wrapped him in a hug and they were both crying.

I sighed and closed my eyes, hoping against hope I would feel better once I was safely away from the Cullens and more specifically Edward, my personal unintentional tormentor. Sleep evaded me and I went into a dreamlike state where I was out of it, awake, but not seeing everything around me, in a daydream.

Oh boy, what have I done? I know I need to escape, but I don't think my mother is the most understanding person for that, but I have to stick out my decision, after all it is the right thing to do, for everyone, in the long run, right? I mean I didn't want to mess up his relationship or our friendship, so I have done the right thing, haven't I?


	4. THE TREES

**Un-understandable chapter 4**

Edward POV

My mother was arguing with airport security. I was zoning out though, I may be in trouble, but that's not important, I'm not really sure what is, at the moment, not my life, not anyone's, just that Bella is gone. She isn't here. Nothing matters now. My mother's voice was getting steadily faster and more furious, I could tell she was holding herself together for my sake, that when it was night and everyone was asleep, she would let her tears fall freely, no one there to watch her suffer. Bella was a daughter to her, she was my best friend, closer than a sister, I could never see her like that, but she knew me better than anyone. Hell, she knew me better than I knew myself. I felt the tears falling down my face, but I didn't register that I was crying, or perhaps it was that I didn't care. I could see my mother driving us home, her face determined, but otherwise her emotions contained, I could only see the tear tracks from her earlier tears streaking her face. As she sped through the rain, I leant my head on the window, I could only pray that someday she would come back to me.

"What happened?" demanded a teary Alice as soon as the car pulled up, she was badgering me, stepping in my way like an annoying fly which won't leave you alone. I kept my head down and tried to push past her. I heard her begin to sob. She flew into my mother's arms and I walked up the stairs to my room, I slammed the door shut as hard as I could. I threw thing around my usually immaculate room and was yelling. I smashed many of my things and ended up breathless, my room trashed, my throat raw, and I hit my head on my wall as I leaned heavily against it crying. Alice came in sadly.

"Oh Edward," she sighed when she saw me. She wrapped me in a hug. "I know. I know." She says crying a little again. "I love her too. It's okay, Edward. She'll be back." She said, rubbing my back and I sobbed like a child into her.

We fell asleep and when I woke she was still sleeping. Her form was so tiny and vulnerable. Her face was still red from crying. Other than that she was pale, she was tired from the emotions I guess. I got up and went to my window, careful not to disturb her.

I climbed out and ran to the tree-house by the stream a little way behind my house. It was the place where me and Bella spent most of our time before Tanya, whenever we were together at my house, sleepovers, playing, whatever, we were almost always in my room, the garden, by this stream, or in the tree house. It was our place. Even the others didn't go in there without permission, it was like this special place for Bella and me. Us, alone. No one else was allowed, not even to get us down, they had to be granted access, and it had to be a joint agreement, unless in emergency circumstances, for example now, I guess.

I saw mom walking out next to the stream slowly, she was crying, silently, but I could still tell. She sat down and she almost seemed to have given up, defeated on the ground. I sat down next to her, looking exactly the same, I wrapped her in a hug and she cried into me, and for the first time since Bella was gone, I wasn't crying, but I was damn close. The only thing stopping the tears was my fear, I had only seen my mother truly cry once before, when dad was in car accident, he wasn't going to make it, mom constantly insisted he was going to be fine, to us and the doctors, and to herself. When his heart stopped beating, I wasn't supposed to be there, I was asleep, and my mother was taking me out, but then she heard his heart monitor go on a monotone. She put me down and sprang into action, a few doctors came in hearing her desperate call, and I was frozen, when she saw them turn to her with regret on their faces, I saw her shove them out the way, stepping up. She knew extensive first aid and trained to be a nurse years ago. She started CPR, and when that didn't work she tried shocking him to life. Her shakes were controlled and her emotions heightened, but essential for her courage. The doctors said it was a miracle. He lived and with no brain damage. The said he shouldn't have made it through the hour after his heart failed, but her hope and faith kept him alive, and her persistence kept everyone going, including those who we didn't know could hear her. All I knew from what she was saying as I couldn't hear her, was from what dad had told me afterwards. She had insisted he wasn't going to die, she wouldn't allow it, and told her to picture the kids, us, without either of their parents, as he wouldn't be sane without him. Apparently, knowing that losing him would mean losing her helped him keep fighting, and the relentless voice telling him he could make it helped a little. But she never cried, she cried later that night, at the hospital as she refused to leave. I woke and saw her sobbing into a still dad. She was pale and looked terrified. She said 'I thought I was going to lose you, for just a second, I saw what life would be like without you, and I am so frightened, you gave me a scare today baby, but I know for sure you will make it through, I'm not being stubborn, I'm just right, and I know it, I'm sure, because you just have to, and that's the end of it, so no more scares like that please, because' she let out another sob 'I can't take any more of that, I just can't deal with it. I can't bear the thought of losing you, not even for long enough to see any sense at all. I got lucky today, but I am not a doctor, I don't know how to save a life, I just know how to save love, to keep going, we are keeping this family whole, and I know I can't losing anyone else from it, I'd fall to pieces, and if that ever happens, you need to be right there with me to try and pick them up. Because we are married, and I love you more than I can say, and I can't let you leave me, because the Earth is not ready for you to leave, just yet, you have a lot more time on this planet, so don't you dare even think about thinking about leaving. I love you, come back to me honey, please, please I want you to wake up. _Please.'_ And sure enough, he did, not then, but the next day, he stirred, and as the week progressed he was able to move and woke up.

"Hey honey." She said, her voice husky from the tears.

"Hey mom."

"It's okay to cry you know, you loved that girl more than anyone, she's family, and you love her, we all know. Except her, she didn't know that, she needed that. Honey, you have to tell her." she said quietly.

"I can't. She's my best friend, I can't lose her. She knows I love her, she still left." I replied desperately.

"Sweetie, what did she whisper to you at the airport? What were you two talking about?" she asked.

I thought about it. She asked me if I loved Tanya, I told her yes, though I wasn't sure. She asked me if I loved her as a friend, if that's why I wanted her to stay, I said yes, and she told me she loved me, she must mean she loved me too, and then she got on the plane.

I shook my head in confusion. "Nothing that would have changed anything." I muttered hoarsely.

"Okay, well you keep thinking about it, I'm going inside." She said with a half exasperated smile, half sad.

"There's nothing to think about!" I raised my voice slightly. She shook her head slightly, kissed me on the cheek, and walked back to the house.

"NO!"I yelled in fury, it was not me that made her leave, the thought hurt so much, I knew it was probably true. I smashed my fists against the tree and attacked it in rage, without noticing the tears streaming down my face. "No!" I begged nothing in particular, falling to my knees in anguish. I needed comfort, I needed my rock, I needed Bella, but if she was here, I wouldn't, I would feel better. I went to the place where I felt closest to her, I climbed the old tree house, and I slept in it, collapsing in exhaustion upon its worn floor, I felt like a little boy again, like when we first came in this place together.

When I woke the first rays of sun began to shine through, and with a painful twist of my chest, I realised I couldn't come back up here, it made the pain triple, and I just couldn't live with that much pain, guilt and shame. It was my fault, it had to have been, we had been drifting apart, and Bella thought I didn't like her, but I did, I do, I always will, she's my best friend, I love her more than anything, but one thing's for sure; I can't return to this tree house. I climbed down and traipsed inside the house, past the girls, Jasper, and my parents, and stumbled into the basement, and curled up into a little ball.

"Hide and seek Bells, come find me, or I'll come find you." I whispered to the air.


End file.
